the Beginning

So today I am in an acceptance phase of my LIFE! This life that I have played a major part in creating. It has my eyes hurting and my mind wondering "if I really look like I'm a dummy?"  I mean you people really have me mistaken for the last chick you messed with or the last person that you met that was brutally honest to you. I can careless about your hurt feelings....yes, I have a heart on my sleeve but its only there to remind me that TRUTH is GAME! So if you not honest with yourself first, PLEASE TAKE YOUR HALF ASS ATTEMPT AT BEING HONEST WITH ME BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD! YOUR LINES ARE UNEVEN. In terms of acceptance… you find that what others think about you; goes completely out of the window and what you think of yourself is the only Absolute that you will encounter. It’s been 18mos and I am no further closer to where I need to be than the next man but I will tell you WHAT IS?

 I am done! Expecting my SUN to shine when I won’t let it! I am done trying to figure out why WE choose to let people tell us what beauty is or how we should feel about all things, I am done trying to figure out why I’m single when I would really rather be single then to take the burden of a man that simply wants to burden you up with his burden while he takes the harvest to the NEXT! Everybody wants to be a NESTA ...however no wants to bear his BURDEN, overstand?!  I am so tired of YOU worrying about what my hair is doing or why I choose to wear it a certain way...Really! I want all BLACK WOMEN to stop worrying about how long my hair is, how kinky is or is not, how come I keep cutting my hair, why won’t I let such an such twist it or any of the BULL CRAP yaw'll done came up with to justify how black YOU are! ITS HAIR...if you cut it, it'll grow back. If you straighten it, it will eventually curl back up, and if you when you wet it, it will eventually dry! GEEZ! Why are we so concern with the next! I can't STAY a way for you! Cause you refuse to embrace change. I not checking for none of yaw'll just in case you didn't know! I haven't checked for yaw’ll in more than 18 years to be exact...I stop checking for sides when I realized I didn’t have one. I have always been on the outside looking in that’s why I choose GOD! What I am, who I am, how you see me, what you see that you HATE is all GOD! Not me! So please stop trying to help me find something that you have yet to locate yourself! Please, stop trying to pull me back into your brainwashed concepts of what is good/bad, right/wrong...because I don’t need no help of no third party mediator helping to STAY OFF TRACK! (I do fine all on my own)Please wake up! I am not what you think I should be, nor am I ever going to be what you want me to be because this is it! I am already who GOD created me to be so sorry, I get bored fast so yeah, I don’t like to stay in the same place I move a lot, no I don’t attend Sunday school or church service every Sunday...my ministry is not inside a building with a name on it! What are you yapping about women getting to it! I want relationships in my Life based on LOVE not race, gender, class or status! Understand! I am a woman that seeks freedom! I shall not be bound by your expectations! If you find yourself offended or uneased about this post then YES...I've accomplished my goal! Now you know how many F&%KS I feel about your comments on how I live my life! YAY! Also...to the WOMEN WHO FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO HAVE HAIR TO GET A HUSBAND...let me tell you something. I've had "LONG" hair ALL MY LIFE! If hair was HONESTLY a requirement for being married…THEN I would have serious HISTORY by NOW! PEOPLE this is PRE-LUDE to be saying I'M BACK! I hope you got a box of tissue you’re gonna need'em!