Goodbye! Wait...What Happen!?

   I remember when I was younger I hated goodbye's, I would avoid them If I had too. Why am I telling someone I'll see again soon, Goodbye? It's emotional enough having to let the energy of that person go, so why you want me to say goodbye after every encounter?

 As I grew in spirit, I adopted Peace or Peace out, seemed pretty cool and hip, either way it wasn't goodbye. It worked also because no one ever questioned that I never said goodbye or was very particular in my word selection of who and when I used the word "goodbye."

Then as I got older, a guy friend of mine said, "See you later". Wow, See you later, it is not goodbye but it means the same thing and I am still being aware and observant.
It worked, actually!
I have been saying "see you later" for years, knowing internally that by saying this, I am giving the person a salutation that our ways are departing. I may or may not see you again. And if by chance I do not see you again in the physical, I acknowledge that you and I will see each other again in the spirit realm.

So, there came a day, this past June that saying Goodbye, was necessary.  I remember that day like it was yesterday, the last day of the Family reunion after the Farewell brunch, they were putting her in the car, I went around to the other side of the car to assist from the back. I doubled checked to make sure she was in the seat comfortably, then I said "Goodbye Auntie" she turned around and smiled, then said "Bye Teka". Watching the car drive away, I couldn't figure out if my heaviness was from knowing to say goodbye or having to say goodbye at all!
I knew it may be my last time seeing her. I didn't want it to be, but I could feel that energy of surrender, see the spirit of reconcile radiate her temple.
I surrendered that day, to myself, to the Goddess, to the hopeful flower child holding on to the Queen Embodiment of Resilience.
We laid my Aunt to rest on November 4, a Full Moon in Taurus, it was about 88 degrees with a light wind, it rained that morning before we left for the processional. It was quiet that almost deafening quiet. You know that type of quiet you have when after sitting and hearing nothing for hours, til the point your thoughts are so loud you turn to answer someone that is not there...Yeah that type of quiet. A Funny thing happened on the way to the processional, we saw not one, not two, but three different Rainbows!
Yeah, that's what I thought too, Cool right!
I busted into the biggest chuckle! Everyone in the car thought I was about to have a breakdown! 
But, I wasn't. I knew it.
I haven't been right since, well okay,  its been longer than that but you know what I mean.

Her strength, her resilience and perseverance, sits with me!

Those are the characteristics and inner workings of my own personality construct and I am glad that I embody them. I am glad to have had her as an example and as a constant reminder of patience.

Because, on Friday when I went to use the restroom in Atlanta, I forgot my phone was located in my back right pocket and as I went to pull my pants down, I heard it.
Plop!
Damn!
No, what was that?!
Did I just drop my phone in the toilet?!
Dang, I need to get some paper towels... This sucks!

As I look down into that toilet all types of things started playing in my head...Like, I wonder what has been in the commode today?
when was the last time it was cleaned?
If you use it now, you are definitely not getting that phone out.
Get paper towels.

I really tried to dry the phone out...but no go. I just left out the restroom like nothing happen, my phone was out of service. I only told my sister before we left and then my mom once we got in the car, which was like 4pm est. they laughed hysterically! Crazy, I know, I was without a phone all day Friday, then Saturday, I got up to do some running around, and It was different. I wasn't expecting to be contacted so I guess that was less pressure. But, I was hoping that when I returned home my phone would have powered up.

No!

So, what am I going to do, I thought.

I'm not a fan of having to pay a grip for phones, my sister gave me an iPhone 6 a year back when she thought I was serious about converting fully to the Apple family. I put it somewhere and then there's that Samsung that I had just before I got my current phone.

After locating the iPhone with no charger, I struggled to locate the phone I didn't want to use because it has a mind of it's own. Even when I was using it on a regular, it would power on and off by itself but what choice do I have...(Also, if you follow me on Instagram, my phone went live Sunday while I was out of the room)
I pulled out my laptop to start a chat with Verizon and they tried to activate the phone by sending me a text to verify! (I almost loss my shit)
How the fcuk am I going to receive a text if my phone is not on?
Verizon, that was the dumbest shit ever!
Lady, If I told you my phone was dropped into a toilet and has not powered on in 24 hours, why would you say, I'll send a text to verify.

So, about 6:15pm Saturday evening, I made my decent to the local retail store.

Internally, I cried from the putting my shoes on til pulling up outside the store, the weather was bone chilling.
Externally, I appeared to be heated and bothered by the fact that I could have been to the store and back home in the amount of time I was being assisted via phone and chat!

When I walked in, there wasn't a lot of people so it went smoothly, I informed the rep of the situation, we giggled, she disappeared in the back for about 10 mins searching for an old version of the new sim card, another rep asked if I needed assistance, he was flirting in a safe way, she returned, removed one phone from my account then added the other. Viola!
20mins...call/chat 40mins.

Now, it took my phone hours to catch up to the network, and it still has not "caught" up, let me tell it.

Thing is, when you change back to older phones, that are out of date and don't sync up, so you lose contacts and pictures, that hadn't yet been backed up.

So, me dropping my phone in the toilet is a form of Goodbye, I will not get to use that phone again, and I was really hoping to at least get my media off of it. Damn.

Nonetheless, this is a process that I am slowly coming to terms with, the process of Goodbye.

It's easier said than done, I still hate it. I want people and things to vibrate on the same frequency so that we can grow together.

I wonder though, when I say goodbye, am I saying it to the actually person or thing that is leaving or am I saying goodbye to some entity within me that relates or corresponds to that person or thing that I am telling goodbye?


We'll continue to work through this...


Welcome 2018!