The Close Out!
(WARNING!!! Because I can't possibly fit everything into one blog this will be broken up into three parts. Secondly, This is not the normal post, this will be raw uncut, however all TRUTH! If you have a problem with something that is said I DARE YOU TO LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR NAME...Smile!)
I've been trying to find the footing of my feet. Grab hold to the passing wind that's been knocking me every which way. Pulling my arms in, clasping them tight to the side of my body, hindering them from reaching for things that visibily feels unattainable. Lets Just say that I am at the War of my Life. This time unlike others I have to fight it, never again will the VICTIM be upon my shoulders sitting like a shrug a size to small, very uncomfortable. I am a dreamer; call me foolish, however at my age being a dreamer is look upon as if I am a slacker, lazy! When I am simply, a believer in the UNSEEN!
I began this year with becoming the Living Word, (feb 2009, post) I just wanted my mouth to line up with my mind and my walk to follow suit. If the Trinity is not balance then neither are you, which makes you a DOUBLE MINDED individual. (James 1:8)
The American Heritage Dictionary defines Hypocrite as (1)a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.(2)a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.
So, Lets Address the Hypocrite in ME, (close your mouth, I have to Keep it 175% with me in order to move you into where you need to be) the Living Word is a powerful thing, because you can not hide from yourself. You may be able to lie to yourself, but you can not HIDE. You can see you even when you don't want to thats why you glance at yourself in the mirror, looking never into your own eyes but just at the parts of you that require attention. The eyes are puffing, place a little concealer in your moisturizer, lighting the dark bags to cover the fact that you havent had a good nights sleep in three months. You pull the hair straight with curlers or iron that burns the very fabric of your hair because you can't possibly let the people know that you have AfriKans in your bloodline, or (for my sisters of another color)You brush your curls till they appear frizzy so that you can slick it back because what pure blood has curly hair right?! Who am I talking too? I used to care what people said or thought. I don't anymore,somewhere between 30 and 33 I found out that my biggest enemy was ME, and the nation of people in my head that I was fighting, was just in my head. It's in your head! Then Like a light bulb two weeks before 33, I woke up, looked at the aging around my eyes, touched my nose that looks really big up close but really small from far away, laughed at my ears that have been the same size all my life, the missing teeth that I really should take better care of and the hairs on my neck that I feel should not be there...I took a hard look at who I was and then closed my eyes, recalled what I used to look like then open my eyes and realized the only thing that had changed was the way I looked at myself. So, I kissed her, then said "I love You." "I love you" I've been telling myself that for a one year, three months, two days, and just like everyday before I'll say it tomorrow. Because, I am comfortable saying it to myself I dont have a pressing need to hear it from others. I used to be like that but I am not anymore. In the past, I was the one that would snap on people because they were making fools of themselves just to hear those words, when I was the one that secretly had that desire as well. (hypocrite, I know I am so ashamed) God, The universe, or whatever you choose to BELIEVE, has a way of showing us who we are through the people we surround ourselves with. Oh you didn't know...Our friends, associates, family, co-workers are all small reflections of who we are on the inside. Hence, when things arent the way you want them to be you dont change jobs, friends, or stop hanging out with family...YOU Change Yourself! BE the Change you want to see. I changed the way that I think about myself, resulting in the way I think about others, I was freed from thinking the worst and judging. I am still changing as I type this out, I still struggle with my thoughts; making sure what I speak doesnt conflict with what I trully desire to happen. I've been freed from my past and I have been able to think about the moment. Are there yet? Are you able to just BE? in your BE-ness just enjoy the moment and not think about tomorrow or what was but the peace you have with right now!? Its been a long time since I've been here but I am glad to be right here in the moment and to be able to say that...Although I know that it's coming, Tomorrow will take care of Tomorrow, So, I'll enjoy RIGHT NOW!! to be continued I am too full....
(WARNING!!! Because I can't possibly fit everything into one blog this will be broken up into three parts. Secondly, This is not the normal post, this will be raw uncut, however all TRUTH! If you have a problem with something that is said I DARE YOU TO LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR NAME...Smile!)
I've been trying to find the footing of my feet. Grab hold to the passing wind that's been knocking me every which way. Pulling my arms in, clasping them tight to the side of my body, hindering them from reaching for things that visibily feels unattainable. Lets Just say that I am at the War of my Life. This time unlike others I have to fight it, never again will the VICTIM be upon my shoulders sitting like a shrug a size to small, very uncomfortable. I am a dreamer; call me foolish, however at my age being a dreamer is look upon as if I am a slacker, lazy! When I am simply, a believer in the UNSEEN!
I began this year with becoming the Living Word, (feb 2009, post) I just wanted my mouth to line up with my mind and my walk to follow suit. If the Trinity is not balance then neither are you, which makes you a DOUBLE MINDED individual. (James 1:8)
The American Heritage Dictionary defines Hypocrite as (1)a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.(2)a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.
So, Lets Address the Hypocrite in ME, (close your mouth, I have to Keep it 175% with me in order to move you into where you need to be) the Living Word is a powerful thing, because you can not hide from yourself. You may be able to lie to yourself, but you can not HIDE. You can see you even when you don't want to thats why you glance at yourself in the mirror, looking never into your own eyes but just at the parts of you that require attention. The eyes are puffing, place a little concealer in your moisturizer, lighting the dark bags to cover the fact that you havent had a good nights sleep in three months. You pull the hair straight with curlers or iron that burns the very fabric of your hair because you can't possibly let the people know that you have AfriKans in your bloodline, or (for my sisters of another color)You brush your curls till they appear frizzy so that you can slick it back because what pure blood has curly hair right?! Who am I talking too? I used to care what people said or thought. I don't anymore,somewhere between 30 and 33 I found out that my biggest enemy was ME, and the nation of people in my head that I was fighting, was just in my head. It's in your head! Then Like a light bulb two weeks before 33, I woke up, looked at the aging around my eyes, touched my nose that looks really big up close but really small from far away, laughed at my ears that have been the same size all my life, the missing teeth that I really should take better care of and the hairs on my neck that I feel should not be there...I took a hard look at who I was and then closed my eyes, recalled what I used to look like then open my eyes and realized the only thing that had changed was the way I looked at myself. So, I kissed her, then said "I love You." "I love you" I've been telling myself that for a one year, three months, two days, and just like everyday before I'll say it tomorrow. Because, I am comfortable saying it to myself I dont have a pressing need to hear it from others. I used to be like that but I am not anymore. In the past, I was the one that would snap on people because they were making fools of themselves just to hear those words, when I was the one that secretly had that desire as well. (hypocrite, I know I am so ashamed) God, The universe, or whatever you choose to BELIEVE, has a way of showing us who we are through the people we surround ourselves with. Oh you didn't know...Our friends, associates, family, co-workers are all small reflections of who we are on the inside. Hence, when things arent the way you want them to be you dont change jobs, friends, or stop hanging out with family...YOU Change Yourself! BE the Change you want to see. I changed the way that I think about myself, resulting in the way I think about others, I was freed from thinking the worst and judging. I am still changing as I type this out, I still struggle with my thoughts; making sure what I speak doesnt conflict with what I trully desire to happen. I've been freed from my past and I have been able to think about the moment. Are there yet? Are you able to just BE? in your BE-ness just enjoy the moment and not think about tomorrow or what was but the peace you have with right now!? Its been a long time since I've been here but I am glad to be right here in the moment and to be able to say that...Although I know that it's coming, Tomorrow will take care of Tomorrow, So, I'll enjoy RIGHT NOW!! to be continued I am too full....
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